Posted by: Rael Kalley | September 19, 2009

5. Lots of doggone advice

A few months ago my wife, Gimalle, and I became the proud “parents” of an adorable eight-week-old puppy.

Actually, truth be told, my wife tricked me into this.

 The intent of today’s posting is really not to share with you the manner by which I was deceived however, as I know you care deeply about me, I feel you have a right to know.

 For several months we had discussed the pros and cons of dog ownership. I had indicated that I would have a lawyer draft a contract whereby she would agree to allow me to sleep each morning while she took the puppy out at 4 AM to pee. I had said that upon signature of said agreement I would endorse the idea of bringing a dog into our home.

 She refused to sign the contract and then used the most devious of methods to coerce me into agreeing to bring the puppy home. This is how she did it.

 SHE TOOK ME TO MEET HER. Talk about manipulation.

I immediately fell in love and insisted on bringing her home right away rather than listening to Gimalle’s suggestion of taking a day or two to decide whether we really wanted to undertake this venture.

 Again, notice the manipulation. It’s diabolical.

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 We named her Malka and immediately went searching for a vet with the same gusto as parents of newborns seeking a pediatrician.

 After examining Malka and assessing her future contributions to his clinics cash-flow he made an astoundingly profound prophesy when he said to us “you are going to be amazed at how many dog experts you are going to meet.”

 That was five months ago and here is a sampling of what we have learned:

“Leave food out all the time, dogs only eat when they’re hungry.”

“Only feed your dogs at specific times or they will gorge themselves until they get sick.”

“Feed her a minimum of 6 times a day.”

“Never feed her more than twice a day.”

“Don’t let her eat grapes, they will kill her.”

“Give her 2-3 grapes a few times each week.”

“Give her lots of variety in her food.”

“Let her get used to only one type of food.”

“You should take her to my vet, he’s the best.”

“You should take her to my vet, he’s the best.”

“You should take her to my vet, he’s the best.”

“You should take her to my vet, she’s the best.”

“You should take her to my vet, he’s the best.”

“Choose a training school that uses treats as positive reinforcement so that she can learn to associate rewards with good behaviour.”

“Whatever you do, choose a school that doesn’t use treats to reward good behaviour but instead, uses praise to teach her to associate positive recognition with good behaviour.

 And my favourite;

“We hired Michael Brown to train our dog. He’s the best”

“Don’t even think of hiring Michael Brown. He’s an idiot.”

 We have been talking about how our beliefs and opinions are simply the meaning or interpretation we place on events or on information.

 Malka has sure taken me to a higher level of understanding of this.

 It’s amazing how much advice is out there. Even when you don’t ask for it.

 Till we read again.


Responses

  1. I really enjoyed your blog today, you have a great sense of humour! Excellent job!

  2. I think your favorite is also mine. Hilarious!!! My breeder also asked me NOT to allow my puppy to jump as it will break his legs! Thanks for sharing!


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