Posted by: Rael Kalley | January 1, 2011

74. No more judging? Now what am I supposed to do?

Well, it’s that time of year again.

You know, that time when we commit ourselves, with fierce resolve, to dramatic changes in our lives that, once attained, will allow us to soar to euphoric levels of joy and happiness that have eluded us so many times in the past but this time will be different because this time we really mean it.

This time we have a plan.

This time we are truly committed.

This time we have learned from all those other times.

This time we are excited, pumped, motivated, ready.

And with New Year’s Day falling on a Saturday there is a good chance we will even stick with these changes through the entire weekend and not bother discarding them until sometime on Monday.

Which, for many of us, is probably better than we have done in previous years.

So I have an idea.

What if we decided to commit to New Year’s resolutions that really make a difference?

Not just in our lives but in the lives of everyone around us.

And what if we worked really, really, really hard at achieving them?

And what if each time we slipped up, instead of discarding them we simply reminded ourselves to keep trying?

And what if these resolutions were founded on an irrevocable commitment to stick with them for all of the year 2011 and then, and only then decide if we want to keep them?

And what if, by the end of the year, sticking to these few resolutions, has so profoundly and positively changed us, and brought so many exhilarating new experiences into our lives that even the thought of discarding them is anathema to us?

Interested?

Here are two that I think are truly worth considering.

Firstly, let’s pledge that for the entire year 2011 we will put aside our ability and willingness to judge.

That’s a tough one, isn’t it?

It means that for a whole year we will not criticise, make fun of, ridicule or in any way demean another human being.

We will not make snide or sarcastic comments behind their backs and we will not participate in, or spread, malicious gossip.

We will not gleefully pass on “dirt” to others and will refrain from joining in conversations that are centered around topics that have nothing to do with us.

Unless, of course, you can pass the test.

If you can pass the following test then you are released from the above commitment and please, feel free to judge, gossip and be as malicious and hurtful as your little heart desires.

So here’s the test.

When you feel the urge to judge, criticise, gossip or condemn:

  1. Find the nearest mirror.
  2. Stare intently into it.
  3. Study it carefully
  4. Look for any signs of imperfection.
  5. Then, examine the history of your life.
  6. Stare intently into it.
  7. Study it carefully.
  8. Look for any signs of imperfection.

Pay very close attention to what you see. If the mirror reflects only a perfect image: no wrinkles, no blemishes, no lines, no folds in places where there shouldn’t even be places and absolutely no warts, and if the history of your life reflects the same perfection: no mistakes, no inappropriate behaviour; no poor decisions, no really stupid actions, then you are indeed perfect and, consequently, perfectly qualified to judge.

Of course, if you are that perfect, you won’t be looking in the mirror because you won’t be feeling the urge to judge.

Now, if anything other than perfection is being reflected back to you, you need to know that each of those imperfections represents a tantalizing topic for others to criticise, judge and gossip about.

And being criticized, judged and gossiped about probably doesn’t make you feel good, does it?

So can we agree that only those of us who are truly perfect have earned the right to judge?

And can we further agree that until we achieve that perfection in ourselves (by the way, any imperfection in our history permanently disqualifies us from ever achieving this perfection) we will resolve to make 2011 the year of being judgment free?

All in favour say Aye.

Excellent!

Let’s add one more.

I read recently that the single most repeated quote in the world, excluding biblical quotes, is from Mohandas Ghandi.

He said, “Be the change that you want to see in the world.”

Wow! Pretty powerful!

Be a role model for what you want the world to be.

If you want people to be friendly – be friendly.

If you want politeness – be polite.

If you want punctuality – be on time.

If you want respect – be respectful.

If you want an end to gossip – don’t gossip.

If you want an end to whining – don’t whine.’

If you want an end to criticism – don’t criticize.

Easy isn’t it?

So, are you in?

If you are, then please send me an email or post a comment on this blog.

Imagine if we all did this?

It would, indeed, be a Happy New Year.

Till we read again.


Responses

  1. I’m in!!

  2. Hi Rael,
    I have been reading your blog upon uging from a friend of mine. Boy, you are asking a lot of people… including myself. Given what I have just endured, it’s almost downright impossible… however, I will endeavour to take upon this great task you seek.
    You see, I just found out about a month before Xmas that my husband of 11 years has had multiple affairs, the last was from March of this year until I found out at the end of Nov with a married high school teacher, who also has young children. She also teaches the ‘family planning’ course in her high school and preaches abstinence and family morals… hmmmm, pretty hard not to be calling her pot, kettle black… However, after a month of being bitter, judgemental and downright depressed… I will gladly take your challenge… with the exception of one thing I had told myself I was going to do but had to wait until the new year. So once I have completed this task (yes, it involves having it out with little miss hypocrit) then I vow that I will even treat my ex with respect and humility.
    I applaud you to put that out there… hard to not take heed, especially since I plan on copying this portion of your blog and putting it on my fridge… so I have to face it everyday.
    I hope you have much success with your own daily struggles!!
    Take care, Diane

  3. I’m in also! It’s going to be a task to do the above but I will also give it the best shot. LOL I am going to make the above into a mantra and put it on my fridge and at work!

    Be friendly
    Be polite
    Be on time
    Be respectful
    Don’t gossip
    Don’t criticize
    And don’t whine

    And, to Diane above, sorry to hear about your discovery. Wish you all the best!
    Cheers,
    Leslie

  4. Great blog

  5. I am soooo in!

    Thanks, Rael, for the thoughtful challenge you have put forth to everyone. I gladly welcome this, as it is something I’ve been reflecting on a lot in 2010 … being mindful to be my own observer when I judge.

    Blessings for 2011. Keep up the excellent work you do!

  6. Challenge accepted!

  7. Challenge accepted! I am in!

  8. Half way into the year and i have found this challenge.
    I accept it. it is pretty remarkable.
    I truly believe Live Sinks or Soars is truly one of the best books i have read.
    so much to think about, so much to learn, so many ways to grow.
    I thank you Rael, from the bottom of my heart.


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