Posted by: Rael Kalley | October 17, 2015

323. Election prediction, accuracy guaranteed.

On Monday we Canadians will decide who governs us for the next four years.

The past two months or so have seen party leaders and their legions of minions crisscrossing the country to share with us the enormous improvements they will bring into our lives if we wisely elect their party to lead us while at the same time warning us of the nightmarish existence our lives will become should we foolishly elect their opponents.

Like many Canadians I have paid scant attention to their ramblings and on Monday will dutifully place my X on a ballot sheet as I believe it is the duty of every citizen to do so

There is a simple fact that we have discussed countless times on these pages and it is one most worthy of repeating as we listen to our political leaders while deciding which one is deserving of our precious vote.

That fact is that everything we believe to be true is true – until it isn’t – and along with that fact comes another which is that we humans are little more than walking, talking opinions masquerading as irrefutable, indisputable facts.

Political parties have repeatedly highlighted the truthfulness of those two statements as they have flown across our vast country endlessly restating their stories.

I did spend some time watching one of the televised debates and, before slipping into a coma, I remember being quite fascinated by the ways in which these folks were pitching their facts against the facts presented by their opponents all the while suggesting that their facts were the “true” facts and the others were simply fiction.

Many of you, even at this late hour, are still undecided as to how to cast your ballot so please allow me a few moments of your time to predict the exact results that will unfold from Monday’s election and perhaps reading these will help you come to a decision.

So, as a public service, I predict this to be our future:

  • We will either pay more in taxes or we won’t.
  • We will continue to borrow enormous sums of money or we won’t.
  • Budgets will be balanced or deficits will be run.
  • We will continue supporting our allies in the fight against terrorism or we won’t.
  • Jobs will be created or they won’t.
  • We will continue to ship jobs overseas or we won’t.
  • Affordable childcare will be made available to all who need it or it won’t.
  • Things given to us by previous governments will be taken away, or they won’t.
  • Our crumbling infrastructure will continue to crumble and ultimately collapse in a heap waiting to be discovered during an archaeological expedition in the year 3463, or it won’t.
  • Interest rates will go up or stay low.
  • According to some, the government will not do enough to protect the environment and according to others it will do too much.
  • If you are a member of a group that does not few view the actions of the government favourably then, to you, the government will have failed.
  • If your life is largely unaffected life and continues to be good, you view the government with either great favour or total indifference.
  • The economy will chug along, boom or go bust.
  • Regardless of everything written above, every province will accuse the federal government of not doing, or giving, enough to their province while giving too much to the others.
  • We, the people, will whine about the government.

These are all extremely important points to consider in making a decision but rest assured my predictions will absolutely come true and will continue for four years at which time we will have the delightful opportunity of doing this all over again.

I’m sure, for those of you who, prior to reading this, were undecided, a great burden has now been lifted.

You’re welcome.

Till we read again.


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